By: Bleu Grae´
“Sunday was a beautiful day for us. We laughed, joked, and enjoyed one another’s company… just overall awesome. Today however, was horrible. What you did could have been worse and you really didn’t have to tell me the truth but I really did not expect this from you. I mean, I don’t put anything pass anyone because we are all capable of lying but I didn’t think you would lie about something so small. I could see if it were something severe that would justify a lie. It made me upset because its not like we do not have open communication between one another. You could have told the truth. I am very open with you and tell you things that are very hard for me to say or talk about with any one else. This caught me off guard. Like although it’s early on between us, you have jeopardized the trust. Now, I have to go to bed wondering what your true feelings are and if you’re over your ex. It’s like the tables have turned. And yes I forgive you but it’s these little things that stand out to me because they lead to much bigger things. I don’t know if you understand. As I said time and time again, I like you a lot but this has slowed things very much. Like, I don’t know what to say or do. Imma just take it day by day because that’s all we could do. Last night, what I wanted to say is that you give me the feeling of love like u make me want to say it although its not how I feel. It’s just one of those in the moment kind of things where I’m just filled with so much happiness and joy … and I felt that with you Sunday. So many laughs and smiles… it was more beautiful than today. I got to sleep in your arms and wake up with u beside me; which was a great feeling. I didn’t think I would appreciate it as much as I do now. It’s just the lie overcame me…us.”
“ Sunday was…
WHEW! Sunday was GREAT. Sunday was AMAZING. Sunday was NATURAL. Sunday was US. IF THERE WERE ONE THING I WOULD LIKE FOR US TO BECOME IT WOULD BE SUNDAY. Honestly, Sunday made me like you more, its weird. LENT is showing us that we can build a connection on a mental level, and I like it . I’m a little bothered that you took such offense to my lie. You treated it as if I completely disrespected you. I’m writing you to clear my name, to make you understand, and to make you see I do not intend on causing you any type of harm (maybe a slap here and there to put you in your place)…but I do not intend on causing you any pain.
I’m not a liar. I am simply a guy who lied and became extremely apologetic about it. If you cheated on a test to get an A, your not a cheater but just got lost in chasing the grade. If I drank occasionally, I’m not a drunkard I’m a social-able drinker. BABE, I AM NOT A LIAR. I instinctively lied trying to have control over your emotions…control over your response…and because I didn’t want to begin what we have, our relationship, with me lying. I was doing something out of my norm, so I told the truth. I felt I owed you that. I owed you the truth, and an apology. I took the mature way out, I could have kept it hidden and not have brought it up AT ALLLLL. BUT it bothered me that I did it. Don’t judge me, lying is natural, politicians do it, students, doctors, family, people LIE… but it takes a real person to see their mistake and correct it accordingly. And that’s what I did, regardless if you acknowledge it or not.
I digress. MY Day today has been enjoyable thus far. I spoke to a few professors to put that bug in the ear…(straight A’s BABY). I TOOK OUT ANOTHER book from the library, James Baldwin (phenomenal novelist, who marched with Martin Luther King, spoke to Malcolm X, very pro Africa, and very knowledgeable about life, but in his later years became gay). As I type this, I’m in my room, accompanied by 4 of the fellas.“
-One LOVE
”As I said, it shouldn’t have happened. It’s water under the bridge. My day overall was okay. It was not bad and it was not good… just okay. I must admit, today was a little distant for us. We did not text each other, as much or anything, which made me feel a little iffy. I know it’s my fault because you took the initiative to hit me up today and I am just like “Blah whatever”. I can’t help it, I still feel angered at what happened. I know it was not a big deal but I can’t help the way I feel. Maybe I’m just mad at the whole ordeal of it. The fact that everything was going so right between us! Little things happened but it was a tiny thing that jeopardized the entire TRUST AREA… I don’t Know…. It just hit one of my soft spots that’s all. I am going to have to get over it but it just bothers the heck out of me. Maybe it’s these sad Dru hill songs #Now Playing “We’re not making love no more”…
The thing that makes me happy about you is that you are a man with morals and a belief because a man without religion is some one with out no form of Morals in my eyes. All the people I know who do not believe in anything are wreck less, out of control and out of order, such as your friend. I’ve been with those types before. They may not all be the same but I’ve witnessed their actions, which were unlike the actions of a person who has morals. I know religion is a deep issue. And with you saying your “Practicing” or “learning” about Muslims translates to me that your unsure and I still have a chance to help you make a decision because nothing is finalized. Maybe I am wrong. I would hate for you to become deeper into your religion while I am becoming deeper in mine and we end up having to make major sacrifices, Such as either converting to one another’s religion or departing from one another.
Have a Great Day… Blessings are with you and I really hope things work out for us. I really and truly do. I will learn to trust you, as you should learn to trust me. And for future references I want the truth… No matter how much it may hurt. Lying to me hurts more than the truth honestly. Especially when you going to apologize right after the fact. But Another Lesson Learned Right???”
– Bae
Poundcake Proverbs 