By: Toni
It was the second semester of her freshmen year and she had been patiently waiting for the time to come. All winter break she was prepping for her night alone with her senior boo. It was his last semester and she planned to leave a stamp on his dick that he wouldn’t forget even after he became an alum.
She first noticed him during Transition Week. He was a student leader and she envied every freshman that was in his group. She thought of ways to switch groups just to be closer to him, but decided to chill and wait for her moment. Her moment happened during Homecoming Week at the Two Dolla’ Holla. If you were to google “liquor courage”, the Urban Dictionary will have her mug shot pop up across your screen. Most of her friends were avid drinkers before college, but her first drink was a few weeks prior for her roommate’s 18th birthday. Tonight was the night that caused her to know what the word “hangover” means.
As he walked around the Student Union Building with his friends looking for someone to grind up on, she watched his every move. As drunk as she was, she knew she couldn’t confront him at the party, because he might ask for a dance. Some people are just cursed with some of their parent’s bad traits- she inherited her father’s two left feet. So she waited. She waited until the party was over and there was enough people at the let out. The search was on like a Where’s Waldo spread in a Highlights Magazine (remember those books?!). With her 20/20 night vision, she had no troubles. She grabbed her roommate’s hand, started walking his way, made sure their eyes connected, and mouthed “I want you.” Before you know it, her roommate was taking down all of his info including his friend’s phone number (for emergency purposes she said) and they said their good- byes for the night.
That was supposed to be the night when it all went down, but luckily for her and not so lucky for him, the liquor courage wore off and turned into a whirlwind of nausea. After walking what felt like ten miles to his apartment style dormitory, she just didn’t feel up to it anymore. As she sat on his bed, swinging her feet and waiting for him to return with her pepperoni hot pocket, she was battling with the two chips on her shoulder. No one knows if it was her nerves that made her sick or the half bottle of 99 Apple, but she was able to make it to his hamper right on time (she thought it was a garbage can… a really big one). Aside from the entire hamper that he eventually tossed out, the only thing that was destroyed was a pair of boxers and a set of socks. She apologized what seemed like 1,000 times and 1,000 times he told her it was okay. Still intoxicated, as she grabbed her belongings to leave, he grabbed her hand. “I can’t let you leave like this,” he said. She may have forgotten almost everything the next morning, but she will never forget that moment. Those were the words that made her fall in love with him. He gave her a shirt and some ball shorts to change into and while she slept the liquor off, he beat his meat laying right next to her. His whole four years being there, he had never had an experience like this and they both knew it was a first time experience for her as well. It’s what made their first meeting memorable and something that they could talk about for weeks after.
They eventually started dating and the way she was so adamant about waiting, he thought she might be a virgin. Girlfriends had always been one of her favorite shows and she lived by everything Joan- including a daily regimen of 200 squats a day to get an ass like hers too. After puking and passing out during the first attempt with him, she figured it wasn’t meant to be. Joan’s 3- month- rule of no sex during the dating phase was something she set out for herself and she was sticking to it.
But now the three months is officially over and she’s never been more ready. She was tired of waking up next to him with charlie horses from keeping her legs clamped for hours throughout the night. She didn’t see him the entire Winter break and the anticipation was almost over.
Sunday, January 20th was the night they returned to campus and the night she left all her morals at home once again. She was moisturized, trimmed, waxed, and ready to be attacked. She threw on her Pink sweatpants and hoodie, slipped on her Uggs, received a little pep talk from her roommate, and crept out the side door like a true ‘hofessional.’Other nights she prayed that no one was night watching from their window, but on this particular night, that was the least of her worries. She carried her overnight bag in her left hand and her phone in her right hand pursuing over her “Red Light Special” playlist making sure all of her favorite songs were there. She strutted across the Walk of Shame like she was Naomi Campbell and walked to his room without looking back.
Poundcake Proverbs 