Swirl

By: Zuri LoveLace

Zuri walked around her friend Denise’s house like it was her own. Hell, it might as well have been, as much time as she spent driving away from her own apartment to spend countless study hours over there. They were bunkering down for a long, long study session since they had two midterms coming up within days of each other. Zuri was pulling any and everything out of the fridge. Now Denise’s roommate on the other hand, seemed to never have concerns with studying at all, at least not when they were there. She would come in and out of her room every so often to talk to them which would turn into long conversations that had nothing to do with the work they were doing. She would play her music and bring it out into the kitchen where they were studying. Honestly, Zuri sometimes envied the way she could be so carefree and breeze though school, while her and Denise were pulling their hair out from the stress.
About halfway through their study session, Denise’s roommate decided to bring over a friend of hers, someone she met in one of her classes at school. From that point forward, all hopes of studying were lost. In walked this white guy, with sandy brown hair, medium-build and average height. Zuri was surprised, not that she knew who to expect when Denise’s roommate said she was bringing a friend, but she knew the type of “friends” Denise’s roommate liked and they did not look like that. After about two hours of joking, laughing and drinking (oops), Zuri decided she would have better luck at her own place, she packed up and left. All she could think about was how she was going to recover from all those failed hours of studying.
The next day, at Denise’s apartment again, her roommate kept bringing up the white guy, Drew was his name. Finally, Zuri said, “You talk about him so much, you should just ask him out” to which her roommate replied, “Girl I am trying to hook him up with you!” *record scratch* Zuri gave her the swiftest side eye ever. “Me!?” she exclaimed. Not only was dating clearly not on her radar, since it has worked out so beautifully in the past (insert sarcasm here) but she hadn’t even thought of entertaining someone outside of her race. As prejudice and crazy as it sounds, Zuri honestly couldn’t even imagine it, despite growing up in an extremely diverse neighborhood. And Denise agreed with her roommate, she thought Zuri and Drew would match up nice. Now her roommate, she could see that from, because she didn’t know Zuri from Adam. But Denise, Denise knew Zuri, so she was truly surprised that she was on board with this. Denise’s roommate talked on and on about him and eventually said, “I’m going to send him your number.” Before Zuri could protest, the deed was done.
The Thursday, Drew text Zuri and they talked for a little before he promptly asked her what she was doing this weekend. Not one to really shift around her plans for anyone, she told him she would be going out to a local bar with her friends. He seemed a little disappointed but mentioned that they might try to see each other the next weekend. After talking a while, and letting her curiosity get the best of her, Zuri reluctantly offered for him to come out with her and her friends. She couldn’t lie to herself, she was pretty excited and told her roommates almost immediately; they squealed with disbelief and anticipation.
Fast forward to Saturday night, after 6 shots of Burnett’s and 2 mixed drinks, Zuri eagerly text Drew to come over and pregame with her friends. He fit right in, cracking jokes and roasting with the best of them. They made their way to the bar and it was like she and Drew had known each other for longer than a week. They walked hand in hand to the bar, which usually would unnerve Zuri but she felt as comfortable as can be. They danced the entire night away, white boy had MOVES! She was completely surprised. They stole kisses from each other throughout the night and took pictures with each other. There were some people who had a side-eye for them, but that night, all of Zuri’s inhibitions about being with Drew because of his race were gone.
They ended up back and her apartment, and went at it like animals. The way he put his hands above her head when he kissed her and pushed her against the bed, was unlike anything she had seen.
Zuri and Drew went out a few times after that; they went to dinner, to the movies and he came over to her house a few times when her roommates were gone and her to his. As awkward as she was in dating, Drew matched that and it oddly made her feel comfortable. He really seemed to be interested in her beyond the taboo of being in a “swirl” situationship and didn’t try to hard…yet. They’re conversation flowed easily enough. Despite doing something she thought she would never do, she was happy. Densie’s roommate beamed with pride at her success in getting the two together.
But after a while, when the high of that first night out died down and reality set in, the pressure started to get to her. She was always looking at how people perceived them when they walked down the street or walked into a room, from people from all walks of life. It really hit home when she had to explain a picture that she was tagged in, “Ohh girl, when did you get down with the swirl?” The questions were innocent enough, but she resented having to feel like she always had to explain her particular dating choice and to be honest, she was embarrassed to have to explain it. Probably more so by her perceived judgement for other people more than anything else, but still, she hated having to feel so on edge all the time. “What do they think?” “What is my family going to say?”
As the school year went on, they started to see each other less and although the interest was still there, like a monkey on her back, Zuri’s insecurities were still hanging over them. She took the opportunity, to further distance herself from him. Eventually, things fell off. Towards the end of the school year, she saw Drew at Denise’s apartment, things weren’t awkward but there was still that air of “what if” when they saw each other. There were times Zuri wondered if she missed out on something good because she wasted her time worrying about other people’s opinions and thoughts. She wondered if she hadn’t let things overwhelm her or think too much into things, that she would have still been with Drew, or at least been together longer than they had. So young, so naïve.