By: Gena
All I want for Christmas is……. a date. Circa back to Christmas break 2010, when I was in my early 20s and everyone around me had a boyfriend. Not much has changed, but my level of comfort in the fact of the matter. It was early December and my BFF had told me straight up, “Bitch if you want a man, I can hook you up, but you have to be open minded.” Flickering back to Mariah Carey’s iconic holiday song, a main squeeze and a guaranteed gift (according to BFF) may have been the level of Christmas cheer I was missing. Without question, I was down. Especially, after looking at some of the fugliest and socially awkward men my friends were all currently dating. If homie was even remotely close to that, I’d fit in quite fine.
Then it happened. Dressed in leggings, ultra-short Uggs, and a baby doll blouse (HA!), I arrived to a suburban apartment complex, scared to ring the bell. It was my BFF’s boyfriend’s house and apparently, his brother had been waiting to meet me all day. Great way to kick off winter break— a fucking set up.
I called my BFF. “I’m outside, come get me.” She opens the apartment door. “How u doinnn”, her boyfriend yelled across the room. “Hey y’all,” I said. The apartment was cozy. BFF was cuddled with her boyfriend and there was an open space, across the room on the love seat. I took a chance and grabbed it, out of fear. Out of nowhere, a deep voice intertwined with an international accent ricocheted across the room, “What’s good with you,” he said. “Pally, this my friend,” my bff said, “she just came home from school.” “Hi,” I said, as the disclaimer “keep an open mind” slowly moved across my head like a movie theater marquee. My brain literally works like a machine. I processed him, like a data spreadsheet. Human (Check), Employed, Height (5’7), Smile (Crooked), Level of Attractiveness (5 out of 10), Build (Slim), Potential (8/10=desperation).
He came closer, and asked, “Why you sofa?” Oh no— the accent barrier will be a problem. “Huh,” I asked. “Why you Sofa?” *squints* He seemingly gets frustrated. “Sooo-Fahhh,” he shouted and proceeded to move closer to me. “Ohhh you mean so FAR,” I said. We both laughed as he rolled his eyes in sighs of relief. I finally got it. This is about to be a long ass conversation.
The more he got excited about our conversation, the worst my interpretation skills became. After struggling through for 1 hour, I was able to capture the following:
“You’re beautiful…”
“I like you.”
I was satisfied for the time being. As long as I asked general questions, I could continue to forcefully blush and smile in agreement, while he answered. His brother and my BFF were grimacing at what they thought was a perfect match. “Watch yaw do?” his brother asked. He smiled. I was confused as hell. “He said what ya’ll doing?” my BFF translated. Again, another AWKWARD “OHHHHHHH” escaped from my mouth as a sign of understanding. So many things were running through my mind at the same time. First, “Do I sound like an asshole?” Secondly, “When the fuck did my BFF become a master interpreter”. Last but not least, “This shit feels like a crash course through Rosetta Stone. I’m not ‘bout this life.”
Any who, my BFF turning this awkward 1 on 1 into a group discussion, helped to lighten the mood. Through my BFF, I learned so much about him. He was born in Sierra Leone, has two brothers, two jobs, enjoys clubbing/drinking, and is willing to worship the ground I walked on, if I let him. JACKPOT! Half of my friend’s boyfriends barely returned phone calls. Guess it’s complicated. I felt way more comfortable. The 4 of us discussed a double date to come soon, before it was time to head back to school. We exchanged numbers and my BFF and I left.
The next morning, I woke up around 11:00am, on eastern college student time, to 3 missed calls and 7 unread text messages. 3 of the 7 texts and all 3 missed calls were from him.
“GM beautiful, have you get up from ur throne, yet?”
“Wake up lol”
“I dreamed bout u las night”
I texted back, “GM. Aww thanks… How are you handsome?” (LIESSSS!) I laughed, he wasn’t that bad tho.
30 seconds later… an incoming text……………………….. and it continues…
Poundcake Proverbs 